The Dance, Part One

            Lois lifted the mug to her lips and allowed the soothing heat of the tea to flood her mouth before swallowing. The flavor of raspberries remained on her taste-buds, washing away that eggnog taste that had lasted from earlier that evening. The soft, warm glow from the lights on the tree enveloped her in warmth and the instrumental Christmas music from the old record player made the Midwestern home seem nostalgic. Lois felt more content than she had in months.

            Longer perhaps, she thought with a sigh, looking down at the mounds of crumpled wrapping paper that had yet to be cleaned from the floor. Scattered around them were Jason’s toys he had received, forgotten in excitement when Martha had taken him out to the barn. Clark had joined them, saying he was going to do a little work… whatever that meant. ‘A little work’ to Clark Kent meant something entirely different to her than it did months ago. Everything about Clark seemed different now. Unconsciously, she rubbed the naked skin of her ring finger and wondered how Richard was doing and how he was handling everything.

            The back door opened with a creaky groan. From her position cuddled in the corner of the couch, Lois had to crane her neck to get a good look into the kitchen. Clark came through first, his attention was completely focused on someone else… Martha walked in after with Jason in her arms. The boy was sound asleep.

            “Really Mom, it wouldn’t be a problem,” Clark was saying, doing his best to take Jason into his arms. “I’d be able to make it up the stairs easier. He’s got to be heavy for you.”

            “Nonsense,” was Martha’s stubborn answer, as she used her elbow to swat at Clark’s hands as much as she could. “A grandmother is supposed to have enough strength to lift her grandchildren. Besides, you seem to forget that I worked the farm all by myself for several years after you left.”

            Clark stopped in his tracks and took a peek through the kitchen window at the barren fields covered with snow, the old barn in disrepair, and the farm equipment filled with rust. He smiled at her. “Sorry, Mom – I guess I forgot.”

            “It’s a good thing I’m holding your boy in my arms, Clark Kent, or I’d make you pay for that one.” The tone was complete mockery filled with affection and amusement. Martha twisted her way past paper and toys, once again berating Clark for being so worried about her carrying Jason to his room… his father’s old room. When she got to the stairs and threatened to do something very un-Christmas like if her son followed her up, Lois couldn’t help but finally break into giggles. Taking another sip from her mug, she grinned at Clark. “It looks like you aren’t going to win this one. Even Superman needs to let his Mom win on occasion.”

            Martha’s smile was beaming with victory. “I knew I liked her,” she said to Clark, then slowly made her way up the stairs. Clark remained frozen at the bottom, his hands twitching as if he were resisting everything inside telling him to make sure she was going to be okay.

            “She’s going to be okay, you know,” Lois said, watching Martha’s careful steps disappear from view. “If she could handle you as a kid, I’m sure she can handle Jason.”

            Clark sighed and finally turned from the stairs. “She’s not as young as she used to be, and though she’ll deny it, it’s putting a lot of pressure on her back. She won’t even tell me when it hurts anymore… what?”

            Lois was giggling again, and the sound was pure joy to him. “She’s not a fragile china doll, Clark. If she wants to rest, she will when she’s out of your sight and tucking her…” Lois looked away. “Jason into bed.”

            Amazing how a slip of the tongue can change the attitude of the entire evening, Clark thought, willing his face not to fall at her words. It was obvious that while she had the appearance of comfort and domesticity, there was a part of her still wounded over everything that happened. Clark couldn’t blame her. Telling her his secret before he invited her to his family’s Christmas in Smallville hadn’t been the brightest idea, but it certainly was better than bumbling, golly-gee-whiz Clark asking her. It was time she knew everything anyway. Even if she isn’t particularly happy about it.

            Thrusting his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he slowly made his way into the living room, carefully watching her to make sure he wasn’t invading her space. Eventually settling himself into a chair across from her, he took his mug from the coffee table and took a sip. He didn’t know if it was cold or not, but seeing the lack of steam only confirmed his suspicions. Using his heat vision in front of her didn’t seem like a good idea, so he pretended like it hit the spot.

            The room was bathed in awkward silence. The two simply stared at each other, but neither was willing to talk. Martha wasn’t making any noise upstairs, but Lois was certain that he could look through the ceiling and investigate if he wanted to. God, what a thought to get your head around, she thought, wondering what he was listening to – if anything at all – and wondering how he was able to drown it out with the noise of the rest of the world. Clark Kent, the same man who spilled coffee on his keypad last week, who tripped over the doorframe, who ran into an open door… is Superman.

            Even thinking it was hard enough! This man before her, without the glasses and staring at her so curiously with those blue eyes of his, was her best friend and comrade… and once her lover. He was Jason’s father. At that moment, nervously taking another drink from his mug, he looked nothing like either of the two men she knew, and at the same time it was like she was seeing an old friend. He was even biting his lip like Clark did every time he drank something… then he was putting the mug on the coffee table and leaning his arms on his knees, folding his hands together in front of himself. “So,” he began slowly, the rich tone of his voice rumbling throughout her being, “we’ve got some things to talk about.”

            “Understatement of the year,” she said under her breath, then mentally slapped her forehead. Of course he heard her. The slightly wounded look in his eyes said everything. Suddenly she was uncomfortable again. “Could you at least pretend like you can’t hear me?”

            “I’ve always been able to hear you, Lois. Even at the Planet I could hear you. I was just able to hide it.”

            Well, there’s no avoiding it now. “Fine,” she said irritably, setting her mug on the table and straightening herself on the couch so that she was facing him. The awkward silence returned, but not for long. Pointing at him, she said, “So, about you being…” Not able to finish the sentence, she motioned her hand for a swoop. Clark grinned ruefully, pointed at himself, and made the same swooping motion.

            “You were going to tell me… when?”

            “Lois, I didn’t want to keep this from you.”

            “But you did! You didn’t even tell me when you left! You didn’t even see me when you left – not as the reporter or the superhero!”

            “If I had, I wouldn’t have been able to leave. You’ve got to understand, Lois; laving you to find Krypton, even if I didn’t know whether it would still be there, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Once I found out it wasn’t really there…” His voice faded. “Once I found out what Luthor had done, I couldn’t believe that I had been fooled. Everything inside of me wanted to take back those five years I missed. But I can’t. And when I saw you with Richard and even Jason… it was like a slap to the face. The one thing I wanted – the love of my life, a family, a home – wasn’t mine to attain.” He was staring at the coffee table, and then suddenly his eyes gestured to her naked ring finger. “I’m sorry about Richard.”

            Lois unconsciously rubbed her finger again. Weeks after the ordeal with the Gertrude and New Krypton, Richard had told her that he thought it best to end their engagement. There was pain in his eyes as he said it, and she tried to reason with him the best she could. He was the only father that Jason had known.

            “And what about his real father?” he had said. “Lois, you told me yourself that there are things Jason can do… the incident with that grand piano… how am I going to explain that to him? The truth of the matter is that I can’t. The only man that can is the only man that’s ever truly had your heart. Don’t look at me like that. My heart wants to fight for you, Lois Lane, but in the end I know that Jason is going to need the father who can teach him everything. Despite how good our intentions may be, I’m not that father.”

            Returning the ring, watching Richard walk out of the Planet doors for the last time, was heartbreaking. The man deserved better. He deserved better than her. She had no idea where he was today, or where he had called from earlier. He had promised her before he left that he would call her cell phone and wish Jason a Merry Christmas, and he stayed true to his word, calling them that morning and listening intently while Jason described in great detail all the toys he had received. It had made his day while it broke her heart. Richard deserved more than this.

            “It’s fine,” she finally said, feeling her earlier mood invade her once again.

            The awkward silence returned. Clark hated that his secret identity was the biggest wedge between them and their relationship. What was the problem?

            You are, you big dummy. If you hadn’t left, the love of your life wouldn’t have gone through all she did, and she wouldn’t have had Jason alone…

            “He’s a bright boy,” he said quietly, staring fondly at the toys on the floor and the wrapping paper surrounding it. “I see a lot of you in him.”

            “I see more of you as the years go by. And I don’t mean the super-strength, either.” She had gathered enough nerve to look back at him while taking another sip from her mug. The edge of her thumb circled a small portion of the rim. “A’s in math and science… I knew that couldn’t be from me.”

            He chuckled softly at that, and Lois couldn’t help but be somewhat relieved at the sight on his face. The man had held so much heartache over the years and she had to admit that the image was now strange on him. When they first met, she was so used to his easy-going personality, that smile that would light his face when he looked at her or saved someone. The same smile, she now realized, that she always saw on Clark Kent.

            “Was I really so stupid?” she asked suddenly. His brow furrowed at her question. “With the disguise, I mean. Was I really fooled by a simple pair of glasses?”

            That amused smile spread slowly on his face. For a moment he looked around the room then spotted the glasses on a nearby chair. Walking to them, he picked them up and sat down next to her on the couch – not on the cushion beside her, but on the far edge, respecting her space but wanting to prove his point. “I think it was more than that,” he said thoughtfully, slipping them on and turning to her. He raised his eyebrows as far as they would go then grinned again when the frames fell on his nose. He pushed them up.

            As much as the gesture amused her, something about it was still strange to her. Still, his statement made her brain work, trying to connect all the pieces to the puzzle he was obviously trying to show her. “There was more… besides the glasses and suit?”

            He took a look around the living room then faced her again. She stared back blankly. “Am I supposed to be getting a hint?”

            “Think of the Planet. What does Clark Kent have that Superman doesn’t?”

            So he wants me to figure it out, she thought, tracing her steps back to the bullpen and all of its familiar surroundings. There was her desk in the corner of the room with Jason’s drawings and that terrible Pulitzer plaque that she still had for whatever reason. There were the few steps it took to get to Clark’s desk, with all of its pictures and simple office supplies here and there…

            “A stapler?” she said dully. At his confused look, she sighed. “Oh, come on, Clark. I just spent the day inhaling farm air. Forgive me if my brain is a little muddy right now.”

            “Superman doesn’t exactly need a stapler. What’s on my desk, Lois?”

            She sighed, a part of her wanting to dive into this little mystery he was setting up for her, and another part just wanting him to get to the point. “Contact notes, office supplies, a bunch of pictures of you and your family when you were a kid, some of Norm Palmer’s old research, you computer… tell me when I’m getting warm.”

            “You already said it: pictures of me and my family.” He took off his glasses and let his blue gaze pierce through her, much like Superman had so many years ago. “Superman has no family to speak of. His family is dead, and, as far as the rest of the world knows, there’s no place for him to connect to his heritage. Of course, you and I know differently.” He then put his glasses back on and raised his shoulders, nervously gesturing and speaking in higher tones. “Clark Kent, however, is the farm boy who can’t have the farm taken out of him. He’s got lots of pictures of his family, and he has a background he can speak of. So, because he’s got one and Superman doesn’t, there’s no way Superman and Clark Kent could be the same man.” He stopped and took the glasses off again, staring thoughtfully at them. “It’s subtle, everyday things, Lois. It’s not just the glasses or the suit.”

            I should have thought of that, she thought, then pushed the feeling down when she realized just how right he was. Superman knew his world was gone, but Clark Kent was as safe and sure in his family than in anything else. “I’ve never thought of it that way before,” she admitted.

            His grin was thoughtful and amusing when he set the glasses down on the coffee table. “Me neither, until just now. And I was the one putting on the act.”

            Outside, the wind blew strongly, making the house settle and groan. Some snow flew outside the window, but the two didn’t take notice. There was a sudden weight in the room that had nothing to do with awkwardness, and everything to do with… everything else. Lois knew that sitting here and not resolving anything about their relationship was only going to make sitting here (and working together) that much more worse, but something inside of her was still wounded, still confused over why he had kept a secret like that from her for so long.

            “I’d have kept your secret, you know,” she said quietly, knowing full well he could hear her.

            “I know. You told me that once, and I believed you then. It’s not that I didn’t want you to know, Lois. It’s that knowing was too hard for both of us to bear.”

            “We could have done it together.”

            “Could we?” he turned to her, worry over the question evident in his eyes. “Lois, I saw your face when all of it was over. The secret was killing you inside. To be so close and yet so far, knowing what we shared but unable to do anything about it… could we have done it together? Can we do it now?”

            Looking back into his eyes, Lois took her time in answering. “I don’t think we have a choice, Clark. What are we going to do when Jason gets older? What are we going to do about it now? You said you could see that the secret was killing me inside. Well, now that I have to know, for Jason’s sake if nothing else… you tell me how to do this, Clark. Tell me and we’ll make it work.”

            He sighed deeply. “It’s not that easy. People are going to notice the change. They’re going to notice how we treat each other differently, or how Jason acts when he comes into the Planet. Did you think it was strange before, me disappearing at random times? Imagine what people will think when you start making up excuses for me!”

            “Then we pay attention to little details. We work at it, day after day after day after day until we get it right! I don’t care what people have to say about us, Clark. Surely, if you’ve been able to hide Superman all these years, then we can find a way to be us.”

            The two locked eyes again, and between one moment and the next, everything changed. Clark was frozen in his seat, staring back at Lois with something similar to shock. It took her a moment to realize that he was thinking about what she just said.

            Us.

            Not Lois and Clark, reporters and comrades.

            Us.

            “Us,” he said quietly, testing the word.

            “Us,” she confirmed, suddenly wondering why her mouth was dry when she said it. “If there is an ‘us’ to work with.”

            His face relaxed with relief, and the way he was trying to contain his joy was adorable. Deep inside, though, she could see how hesitant he was to dive into anything so soon. Turning to face her more fully, he studied her a moment. “Are you sure you want to do this? To try this?”

            “I was willing to before General Zod, wasn’t I?”

            “But you wrote that article afterward.”

            “I was pregnant. Blame it on hormonal imbalance.”

            That seemed to bring him out of his somber mood a bit. The light returned to his eyes, and his smile was slow and welcoming, full of warmth and possibilities. “It’s going to take a lot of work.”

            “I agree. I don’t think we’ve worked out all of our issues yet, but I’m willing to try.” A thought suddenly struck her. Unable to stop a grin, she stated, “You’re going to be a great dad.”

            The blood drained from his face. He had been so captured in the thought of them as a couple that he honestly didn’t stop to consider that one important element. “How are we going to tell Jason?”

            “We’ll tell him sometime. I don’t think we have to figure out all of the answers tonight.” She yawned, turning to the old record player when the needle went off the wheel. “I can’t believe your mom still has one of those things. I didn’t know they still made records.”

            “They don’t,” he said, standing to put the needle back on. “At least, I don’t think they do. I’ve had more important things to worry about than the production of records.” He turned to her and grinned.

            Slow and soulful Christmas instrumentals bathed the room in warmth. Turning back to her, Clark stopped and took a moment to study Lois on the couch gazing at the tree, the lights reflecting in her eyes, a small smile playing at her lips. Leaning her head forward on her hand, she took a deep breath. “Just like Christmas should be,” she whispered.

            Almost, Clark thought regretfully. Though the domestic image tugged at his heart, he knew the questions looming above them were much bigger than lights and music. There were a lot of things they still had to work out. There were so many actions left undone. In his mind, this image of Lois, sitting in Smallville with the Christmas tree lights bathing her in warmth, was what he had wanted for years. The only thing missing was the ring on her finger and the promise of forever. Would she even want it in the long run? Could she really hold the weight of the secret on her shoulders? Their conversation earlier ran through his mind once again.

            At this moment, despite all the questions they had looming above them, what did it matter if they were both willing to try?

            He would help her carry that secret and somehow, together, they’d answer those questions and make the confusing mess between them work.

            Standing a bit straighter, he took two slow and lazy steps toward her, quickly committing the image before him to memory before she turned to him. With a slightly nervous smile, he held out a hand to her. “Would you think I was being corny if I asked you to dance?”

Click me for Part Two...